I Was Seeing Things

 I said earlier that I was hallucinating and that  I was having trouble sleeping when I was 9 or 10 years old. I don't know why I saw these things why this  was happening. It could have been my lack of sleep or all the sadness and fear I was facing everyday.
Not sure what situations happened first but for what all I know these things actually happened.

- Sighting of a Flying Saucer--One night I remember sleeping in my moms bedroom because my dad was not coming home from work and most likely he was out drinking. I was preparing my pillow and blanket when all of a sudden I heard a noise and I decided to peak out the window and remember seeing a round object with lights and it was stopped on the empty lot of my house. This was obviously a flying saucer. I closed the curtains and begged my mom to look but she ignored me and told me to go to sleep. I laid back down and covered myself with the blanket. A few minutes later I decided to peak out the window  and the flying saucer was gone.

- I Was Seeing Shapes Moving and Dancing To A Beat---This must of been the weirdest thing I have ever experienced. I don't know if it had to do with the aliens. I remember waking up in the morning and I remember  looking straight at the closet that was left open . There were triangles, circles and squares that were moving and jumping to a beat. I tried standing up and the beat kept getting faster and faster. The shapes kept getting bigger and bigger. I wanted to run  but the beat and the size of the shapes were not letting me do it. So I'd lay there and watch.

-I Saw A Gremlin Creature--This happened in the day time on a summer day. I remember I was watching  tv and I decided to go to the kitchen where my mother was. I remember turning to my right where I could see the side of the bathroom. And there it was a gremlin peaking out the bathroom door. He looked at me and he hid back again. This time I didn't tell my mother because I knew she wouldn't believe me. It was short, stocky and greasy.

Freddy Kruegar??   I hate how this sounds but yes I saw  the body and the face of Freddy Kruegar. At this point I was having nightmares and waking up in certain places of the house where my dreams would end. Once I was dreaming I walked to the living room and the devil was making out with a woman. When I woke up I was there where it had just happened.
My mother was finally realizing that there was something wrong with me.
So the night I saw Freddy Kruegar I was in bed with my mom and dad. I happened to feel that someone was straight across from me. I looked up and Freddy was sitting in the living room sofa. He looked at me and pulled his skinny tung at me. I screamed and my dad got up to see what was there. The head and shoulders shampoo fell to the ground and my dad slipped. The shampoo got all over his hands and clothes. When he touched his face the shampoo was burning his eyes. Yes the scene was dramatic. When he managed to turn on the lights he showed me that it was just a bunch of pillows stacked together.

I Said Such Awful Things

In my heart I was never a racist or a hater of any kind but my mom taught me to dislike certain people because of the way they were.
When I was 12 years old I made an awful racist speech in front of my entire 6th grade class. My teacher by the way was African American.

I said this;
-Black people are lazy and all they do is live off welfare.
-Black people are stupid
-Black people smell like poop

It hurts my heart to remember this and to realize I actually said these words. I didn't know what I was saying. I love black people and all race.
I wish I didn't call the nice little boy who wanted to play with me a niger. Ohhh! how I wish I could see him and apologize. I remember telling him, "You are still a niger".

I am sorry to all the black people out there.I was stupid and naive. My mother taught me these things. Now I am a grown women and I know that those things are wrong. My best friend in 2nd grade was black and liked a boy in thh 5th grade who was also black. I feel for black people. I can imagine all that they go through. This is something in my life I find it hard to believe it happened. I am surprise the black kids at school didn't beat me up. They should have!

I Hated Them

 From what I remember my dad  must of overdosed at least 3 times on coke. I remember my mom putting a spoon in his mouth trying to prevent his tung from swallowing? . At this point I knew it was drugs.

My dad would leave the house and come back drunk around 3 am..
My mom would tell us to pack all of our clothes in grocery bags because we were leaving.
My dad of course would come in just in time and would  try to convince my mom to stay. He would sit in front of the door, the only door we had and wouldn't let us out. My sister would throw eggs at him so he would move. It was the same kind of night every weekend. I couldn't understand why my mother wouldn't  leave him.

My mom wasn't aloud to go anywhere outside of the house. If she was caught a few feet out of the house my dad would beat her.
She was miserable I know. And that is why she would beat me.

When I got older I told her I hated her. I would be prepared for that. I would stack my body with layers of clothes so that the belt wouldn't hurt me. My dream was to grow up and get away from them. And as soon as I turned 18 yup I left them!

Everything Was Ruined

My childhood was ruined by cocaine, alcohol, religion and violence. My dad  a cocaine addict, alcoholic and my mom a violent and religious person. You don't understand the kind of life I was living.

1. Dad uses cocaine and alcohol and beats  mom. Me age 8 and my little sister age 4  watch this happen for 5 years.

2. Mom is miserable  she takes it out on me by banging me at age 4 against a wall. Bites me hits me brutally and tells me that she wishes I was dead. Locks me in the bathroom in the dark because I did something like naturally throw up.

3. Mom is desperate for help so she goes to a Christian church.

4. Mom beats the kids she baby sits as well ages 2 and 5.

5. Mom and Dad have sex in the same bed I am in. NOt cool!

6. I get molested by my girl cousin who is in her mid 20s. I run to my mom the night she tried touching me and she sent me away and didn't care to ask why I was searching for her. So I went back to my molester so she can molest me more.

7. I get sick I start hallucinating, getting fevers, and I can't sleep at night especially with the lights off.

8. I beg my mom to let me go to church to search for help. The lady pastor sends her 20 yr old son  to pick me up. My mom trusts him since he goes to church. He molests me.

9. At age 10 I tried committing suicide at the church. I wanted to jump out the window and kill myself. My life was not easy.

10. Everyone  hated me because I looked like my dad. I was never accepted by anyone not even my own mother.

There is more... but for now I have to stop.

I Hate The Fact That I'm Getting Fucken Old

I have not accepted the fact that I am getting old. I know we all get old eventually and you eventually have to accept it. 2 weeks ago I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how tired and saggy my face had become. Apart from having 4 injections already to improve my face I still looked old. I cried and wished I was dead.
I have recently filled for bankruptcy and soon I will be able to afford more injections. I need to lift my laugh lines and lines around my lips. I must do what ever I can to stop aging. I am currently 32 and I think I look 27-29 according to people who don't know how old I am. One thing I cannot improve is the nasty veins that pop up on my hands. Shit! I hate them. I also have cellulite on the back of my left leg. Uggh!
I will let you know what my results are when I get the next shot on my face which will be in 3 weeks.